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Yes, you’re excited to get to the “main event” but you should use this opportunity as a kind of tester – like smearing a stripe of calico sunrise paint on your kitchen wall to see if you like it – and take the opportunity to hone your skills. Use KY, for example, instead, otherwise your condom will start to rapidly decay and then you’ve a whole other load of problems to deal with.) Foreplayĭo this. (Water-based lube if you’re using condoms, btw so avoid petroleum jelly. Even if you’re so wet for it you could sell tickets to your underpants as an indoor surfing arena, the other person may need some encouragement. At the very least, you will need some kind of protection – condoms are a good one to start with – and lube. If you’ve agreed with your partner you’re going to try some stuff, make sure all accessories have been vetted by the other person. The very first time you have penetrative or oral sex it is usually pretty straightforward and rudimentary, but it doesn’t have to be kink-free. Any genre is fine as long as you don’t find yourself rapping along with Jay-Z or mimicking Mariah’s vocal acrobatics. It may be tempting to make a sexy Spotify playlist but if every song is about humping, it’ll be very distracting. Remember, “background” is the keyword here your tunes shouldn’t take over. You don’t need much apart from low-key lighting and central heating, but background music can help take the pressure off. Change the sheets beforehand, please you don’t want to become the punchline in someone else’s anecdote.
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No need for full candlelit opulence on a dirty weekend or anything, but the place you do the deed should fit the following criteria: it should be clean, comfortable, private – you do not want to get caught at it by a flatmate or parent – and available as long as you need it. While a knee-trembler round the back of the pub makes a good story to tell the boys (or so I’ve read), it’s not going to result in a stellar experience. Nobody wants someone else’s first time to be a disaster or emotionally scarring.
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No need to say it’s your first time if you don’t want to – although it may be obvious when you try to stick it in their ear or something – but unless you’ve chosen somebody quite noxious to do the deed with, they’re likely to be very understanding if you do. Just make sure whoever you’re doing it with knows you want to have sex and, crucially, feels the same way. Should it be someone you love, a special person you’ve known for years? Or is it about getting it out of the way as soon as possible – a quick bang with another on a drunken night out? It depends how you feel about it. There can be a lot of sentimentality attached to losing your virginity. No need to spend years analysing your motivation, but there’s a lot to be said for being ready in your own head. Why are you doing this? Because you feel you should? Or because you really want to? There’s a lot of pressure on guys to be “always on” sex machines who can’t go ten minutes without thinking of nailing someone, but the reality is different. No one is guaranteed a perfect first time, but you can at least prepare to make the best of it.